Special Kitty...

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Bath Cat

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A Word To The Wise...

from: Passive-Aggressive Notes

Why Facebook is Sooo Gonna Get You Fired

  —  even more dangerous than friending your parents on facebook? friending a) your boss and b) the cubicle-mate you kind of can’t stand.

[Click on the title to view the story... language warning]

Why The Human Life Span Is So Long

On the first day, God created the dog and said:
'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll giv e you twenty years.'

But the human said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and t he ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service

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Jon Stewart Rocks!!

Check this out:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Intro - Brawl Street: Get Ready to Buy Low! And Sell Die

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things w/ Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Jim Cramer

[March 9, 2009: Jon Stewart takes on Rick Santelli]

Then, watch this [The complete interview is about 30 minutes long; I especially likes how at 4:45, Jon puts Hitler with Kevin Bacon in 3]

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Intro - Brawl Street: Get Ready to Buy Low! And Sell Die

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things w/ Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Jim Cramer

[March 12, 2009: Jon Stewart interview of Jim Cramer]

I think that Mightygodking.com says it best:

If You Can't Beat 'Em, Destroy 'Em!!

Here's how... 

And, don't forget to cackle manaically!!!

Are You Having a Bad Day?

In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the super natural.

No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 AM Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. 

The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.

Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson , the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Still Having a Bad Day????

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day????

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Are Ya OK Now? - No?

Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What?!? STILL having a Bad Day????

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

There now, Feeling Better?

Geeky Halloween Costume...

Yes, I know that it's closer to St. Patrick's Day than Halloween, but this costume idea came up, so why wait until the last minute to put together your costume?

Neatorama posted photos of Evan Booth's costume... he looks like someone with a gaping hole blown through him!!

For those MacGuyver fans among you ...

It's done with a DVD player, a digital camera, and lots of duct tape (what else?)

Thanks to: Neatorama

Another tool in the arsenal of the Evil OverLord™...

If you find that resistance is more than you can handle at the present time, Google comes to the rescue...

[This image, while looking eerily like the Eye of Sauron, is actually an image of a ring of dust around the star commonly known as Fomalhaut... also known as Alpha Piscis Austrini (try saying *that* three times fast, LOL!)

And while the star's name actually means "whales' mouth" in Arabic, I have a feeling that "The Eye of Sauron" might stick a lot better. :-)]

Anywhoo... back to technical stuff...

Using Google Maps, CarlosLabs has come up with a mashup that helps out the geek minions of the Evil OverLord™figure out exactly where placing their bombs will do the most good... or evil, in this instance...

Check it out >>> Ground Zero  

The Moral of The Story

A teacher gave her students a homework assignment to ask their parent
to tell them a story with a moral.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their
stories. As the last student was reached Ms Jones asked, " Johnny, do
you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told a story about Aunt Carol. Aunt Carol was a
pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over
enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol
and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't fall in to enemy
hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty
enemy troops.

                                                           Image by: journalism92287

She shot fifteen with the gun until she ran out of
bullets, killed four more with the knife, til the blade broke and then
she killed the last one with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," exclaimed the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral
did your Daddy teach you from that horrible story?"

"Stay away from Aunt Carol when she`s been drinking."

Nation's Blacks Creeped Out By All The People Smiling At Them

Nation's Blacks Creeped Out By All The People Smiling At Them

My biggest, like, linguistic pet peeve

Image by: nwistheone
Link to larger image: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3269/2724997561_79a04a5851_o.jpg

And, for the gentlemen:
Image located at: http://flickr.com/photos/ymalakha/64949425/

How Things Change...

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here's how it all went.

The engaged friend: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams.  I love you.' Then we made love all night long.

The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over  my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story: When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.

As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, 'What's for dinner, Batman?'

Image by: lil'bear 

[To steal from another joke... 'And that's when the fight started...' LOL!!]

Toilet Cleaning Instructions

1.  Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2.  Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3.  In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids.  You may need to stand on the lid.

4.  The cat will self agitate and make ample suds.  Never mind the noises that come from the toilet --the cat is actually enjoying this.

5.  Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash and rinse.'

6.  Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7.  Stand behind the toilet as far as you can and quickly lift both lids.

8.  The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9.  Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

         Sincerely,  

         The Dog 

Top Ten Ways To Know If Your Car Is a Beater

                                                                    Image from the Spike.com blog

Ok, right now, I'm driving a vehicle that was built in this century, but it wasn't always that way.

And while I have driven used cars, I have not driven a car that qualifies according to this list:

From the site:

As we collectively start tightening our belts and begin to brave the storm that is the economic apocalypse, it quickly becomes second nature to cut corners here and there, in the hopes of stretching every dollar to its limit. One of the first treasures in a person's possession that's going to bear the brunt of this new economy is their car. Perhaps it starts with an ignored "Check Engine" light, or maybe a trick you have to learn to close the passenger door. Then one day, you wake up and suddenly realize you're driving a full-blown hooptie.

Before you go to the link, put your drink down!!! You have been warned :-)!!

Palin, Palin, Palin...

Made you look ... :-) Here it is... 


Palin takes prank call from fake French president 

Republican vice presidential candidate, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, attends a rally at the West Port High School in Ocala, Fla., Saturday, Nov.1, 2008. (AP Photo/Phil Sandlin)


Ok... All I have to say on this story is two words:

Call screening.

You would think that with all of the jokes, TV shows, and videos floating around about this VP nominee, before anyone let her near a phone, the call would be verified by someone who is familiar with international phone protocols for heads of state (is there such a thing?).

Not very nice, Masked Avengers... not. very. nice. And jeers to the staff that let it happen.

So, you think that the US is in the sewer after 8 years of Bush?

So does San Francisco.

On Election Day, San Francisco voters are going to vote on a measure to rename one of the city's largest sewage treatment stations, The George W. Bush Sewage Plant.

Yikes!

Tell us how you really feel, San Francisco!

Republicans are promising to defeat the measure; but San Francisco is a majority Democratic city...

Has any other President ever had the :cough: honor of having a sewage plant named after them?

[I sure hope not...]

You can't make this stuff up...

I'm A Villager, and I Approved This Message!

Check this out:

Thanks to Tension Breaker  for this bit of silliness... and, if you want to 'wear it with pride' ... go here, lol!!

Have you ever had one of those days?

When people think they are something they're not, and even when you are just trying to help, you are attacked for no reason?

Are you surrounded by 'unusual' people? Some days are a lot like this cartoon...


Honesty... hah!

Hang in there, and don't sweat it... they're all made of meat, anyway :-)

April Is Here.... Spring Is Coming!

Greetings!

It's been a crazy March... but thank heavens that it is over now :-)!

Parody of US Government safety/security websites

Shakespeare Insult Kit

How to Keep An Idiot Busy (for at least a few minutes)

To amuse those of you who help friends and family with their computers (you poor, overworked folks); remember, it could be worse:

I'm absolutely speechless!

Drink alert!
(The site is satire - I think :scratching head:)